Thursday, August 22, 2013

Friday Flash Fiction 55 - Stereotyping With Scissors

"Have you seen my big expensive fabric scissors?"
"Here." The boy hands them to mom.
"What did you cut with these?" Mom screeches.
"Cardboard", he says. "Why do you need so many scissors anyway? You have a million pair."
Dad shouts from the other room "She's Mexican! She loves knives and all sharp stabby things!"

You have heard of gun collectors taking "family portraits" of their babies (guns). Well, I have a weakness for scissors. I love love love scissors. This is my collection of professional scissors. This represents a lot of moolah! And these are just PART of my collection. I have been known to buy a pair just because the handles were pretty! I also have various knives and other cheapie scissors that I use around the house. Nothing will piss me off faster than someone taking my good scissors and using them for unauthorized, inappropriate purposes. LIKE CUTTING PAPER AND CARDBOARD!!!!! 
My love of knives started when my dad gave me a folding knife with a six inch blade and a beautiful wooden handle for my sixteenth birthday. It was his, but he told me to keep it on me at all times and to the cut any MoFo who tried to hurt me. That knife saved me at least once. Of course, I was drunk, got into a fight with a friend, stomped off in a hissy fit and ended up pulling it on some Mexican guy who didn't speak English. He kept following me asking if I wanted company, and I finally pulled that knife and told him I was going to gut him and leave him to rot in that ditch if he did not F@*$ off and leave me alone. I was a MEAN drunk as a teenager and full of piss and vinegar. He could have easily overpowered me and used that knife against me, but I think I just shocked the hell out of him when I went at him like a wildcat. I do believe, if memory serves, that I actually growled at him. Both of our guardian angels were with us that night!

Thanks, as ALWAYS, to the G-Man, for hosting FFF55!!! XOXO!


  1. Now that's a sharp looking collection. Grin. I can't imagine anyone pissing you off by using your scissors for unauthorized cutting.

  2. now that is some serious cuttage you got yeah no messing with the sharp stuff...i think you would scare me straight...ha

  3. So... your son is lucky you have mellowed with age :) Cutting one's hair with fabric scissors is also a no no... I used to cut my horses bridle path with my dad's nose scissors and would put them back in his drawer without telling him. He never knew who did it... (they were so sharp, and my horse hated the electric clippers :)

  4. Brandi Bunny...
    I've missed you!!!!
    Never cut paper with the pinking shears!!
    Loved your cutting edge 55
    Thanks for playing, thanks for the grin, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

  5. Brandi, I, too, have had amazing success with the growl thing. I have a friend for whom it worked extremely well once in a foreign country. I keep a lot of books around just for their titles. For years I have had "The Gift of Fear" and "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" side by side on a bookshelf. A couple of years ago, I finally read "The Gift of Fear." I found it very interesting. Fen is devoted to Fiskers. Now we can both obsess on finding you some scissors you don't have. I have been wanting to send an e-mail for a while and I will as soon as my computer decides it is willing to do that again. Love, Juana

  6. hehehe I'm a bit like that my self when it comes to my gear for my painting and crafting,And I have been known to have a temper to when I was younger...hehehe still do when push comes to shove,love ya girl,xx Rachel

  7. Love this 55, Brandi. Although my scissor collection is smaller, I can totally relate to the frustration of finding your good scissors in, say, the GARAGE!